We finally laid dad to rest two years after his death, in the sea off Kilgorman beach. It was a sad but magical day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the wind and waves were gentle.
As we walked over the dune carrying his ashes and red roses, I saw the sun glinting on the sea almost directly opposite “the gap”. The tears immediately began to fall.
That was the first of many signs.
I had scribbled a few extra lines onto a well-known poem the day before his anniversary after a walk on Duncannon beach. We had read the original at his funeral and when I saw the sun shining across the sea and on the shells I thought of him, as I always do.
“Do not stand at my grave and weep“
I am the sun glinting on shells
I’m the sun’s reflection on tide
I am the wind that blows your side
I’m in the darkening clouds that cry
I am there where you are, I did not die
The second sign – the roses we threw in after his ashes, were washed back onto the beach, in a line, along the shore where he always went for a run after a swim.
The third – a seal appeared and swam where we had scattered the ashes. In all the years we have never seen a seal in that close and generally they are only at either end of the beach at the rocks.
I’m not religious and after he died I tried to feel he was still here (as people say) but there was nothing. He was gone and it was final. I found that the hardest aspect but gradually began to accept that once we die, that’s it. There is nothing else. Of course that doesn’t stop you thinking of the person, remembering them, missing them.
But yesterday that changed. I really felt he was watching us, that he approved and he was happy. He was somewhere behind the scenes orchestrating the whole thing and sending that seal to make us realise.
I tried to take a photo of the seal but his head vanished out of sight only to reappear a few seconds later when I wasn’t ready. Then we saw 3 roses bobbing in his place.
The clouds darkened as we walked off the beach and began to cry. But it was shortlived.
Later that evening, driving home the cloud formation and light over the county Wexford countryside from the new M11 motorway was breathtaking.
And even later the sunset spectacular.
I’m glad we waited as long as we did to lay him to rest. It felt right, it felt final, it was a good goodbye.
Rest in peace dad, dadad, Gerry dad.